Taylor Hondos

College was not what I expected. I expected a world of opportunities to open up. I expected to make friends on the first day; that is not what happened. I choose to live at home, seeing how my school was thirty minutes down the highway. I don’t regret this decision and next year I will remain to live at home. I have come to realize how hard it is to find your place on a big campus. It is hard to know who you want to be when everyone expects you to know already.

I have changed my major twice and it has only been my first semester. I want to be an author, but I know I need a job until something happens for me. So I have tried to find a degree with a job attached to it. So I thought of teaching. I figured I could have free time to write as I please but it turns out that that is not the case. Teachers are under paid and have a very demanding job. I shadowed a first grade teacher one morning before I drove to school and I saw some gross things and some heartbreaking things. After seeing children pick their noses and other gross things, I meet a beautiful little girl who broke my heart. I knew if I were a teacher that I would encounter heartbreaking stories all the time. So then I thought about what it would be like to be a teacher. First, I would have to enjoy children, which I do not. Second, I would have to be willing to give up my free time to be a teacher, which I am not willing to do. So I am back to square one, what am I going to do? Where is my niche in life?

Another thing about college that just tears me up is registering for classes. Freshmen are last to pick, which really means no classes are left. I have not applied to any classes yet because I am not allowed to yet, but all the classes I needed and wanted, are closed. Just when I thought college could get better, it hit even lower. I don’t want to give up, but I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life other than write.

College isn’t bringing me down, but I heard that it was supposed to help your mind grow. For me, it is making me become closed minded in a way and that isn’t okay. I loved learning and I loved Elementary school through High school, but this is a mess. If I could find where I belong and what I belong doing, I think I could be a happier person and maybe even enjoy college.

So then I thought, why can’t I just write? Is that really such a disgraceful thing for me to do? I want to be an author and if I focus on other things, will that not be the most important thing to me anymore? All I want is for someone to pick up my book and read it with a smile. I don’t care if I am the next “J.K Rowling” or if my book would be a movie, I care if someone comes into my world for a while and lives my story out in their minds. Books make my heart feel happy and I want someone to fall in love with reading whenever they read my stories. That is all I want and I hope I get there someday.

Sometimes, I wonder why my family watches shows. I used to be such a fan of television, but now it is being taken over by bad story lines and one-liners. I really don’t get why they make vampires and “love” so serious. I mean, “The Vampire Diaries” has officially taken a turn for the worst. There are three doppelgängers of Elena now. Isn’t Nina Dobrev tired yet? Then there are so many bad TV shows being developed like “Ravenswood.” “Pretty Little Liars” was bad enough; no need to add a spin offs. I used to love the books of “Pretty Little Liars” but after a while it gets old when you’re in the third or whatever season and you finally see one person who is “A” while the other possible “A’s” still run amuck. Personally, I think that Aria is in on the “A” stuff. No, I don’t watch the show, but I’ve got an obsessed sister who does. Aria was around Ezra nonstop; surely she knew something was up. Even though I don’t watch the show, my head gets spinning when I hear people talk about it. Bad shows must do that to people.

My favorite Tv show, still to this day, is “Sex and the City.” I really have no clue why because Carrie is quite dumb when it comes to men. I would never take advice from her when it comes to men. I really love Carrie and I love all four of the girls, but Carrie is dumb sometimes. If she isn’t letting Alexander almost wreck her life, she is cheating on a good man like Aiden. Big is good in the end, but he was never good for her at the beginning. We all know this. I feel like they never should have made a second movie because I feel like it ruined the show. They could have let a girl dream that Big and Carrie lived happily ever after, along with her friends.

Next show that I will watch is “Girls” on HBO. I have complete respect for Lena Dunham. A lot of people don’t seem to respect her, but I do. She wrote her own show, but before that she wrote a movie called “Tiny Furniture.” I have not seen the movie, but she funded it herself and let her friends act in it such as, Jessa from “Girls.” I am completely inspired because if someone can make it on their own, even if it’s a small movie, I am amazed. I think Lena is awesome and her show is amazing too. I want to make my own way in the world too and show everyone what I am made of like she did.

Last show that I can watch is “American Horror Story.” I did not jump on the bandwagon with this show. My friend at the time loved it and told me I should watch it with her. So I did. It was love at first sight of Evan Peters. He was perfect and I fell in love with the story shortly after discovering my love for Evan. I was a huge fan of “The Murder House” series but found myself in complete confusion during “Asylum.” I told myself if this next season (season 3) was anything like “Asylum” that I would officially give up on TV, but I was pleasantly surprised to find myself loving “Coven.”I always find myself completely involved now; covering my eyes when someone gets chopped in half, and laughing when Queenie talks of Madison. Not to mention,  it brought back all my favorite characters such as, Evan Peters, Taissa Farmiga, Lily Rabe, Sarah Paulson and the infamous Jessica Lange. Even though AHS has iffy moments with me, I love the cast and the twists with each story line.

Bottom line is that I just wish people would pick up a good book instead of watching TV, atrocious  TV shows for that matter. Books are so much better, it is like a week long episode. I love reading and that is why I really keep up with about two shows on TV right now. I can pick up a book over the remote any day. Sometimes I wish people valued books the way that I do. Books are better than friends sometimes. Books can make you feel happy and accomplished at times. What can a TV do for you?

The point is, why do we watch bad tv? Is it that we are brainwashed to enjoy this junk? Or are we really entertained by people having more messed up lives than our own?

I know that is over said, but I’ve recently come to find out that you cannot have a positive, happy life when your life is filled with negative thoughts. That is probably over said too. I have been writing a book for six months and I have a long way to go but I have felt myself giving up. You can’t give up just because people put you down. I have people around me who want to see me fail, but I have to be my support system too. Some want me to succeed and I know that I can if I can believe in myself.